i am finding myself to have a dillema, please feel free to offer comments and such, and give advice, i really miss one of my old best friends, we were friends all through elementary, middleschool, and highschool...about a year or so ago or more now im not sure, we had a bit of a fling...and i miss him, he keeps popping into my dreams, and my thoughts randomly, i want to message him, but im afraid that he doesnt want to see me or know i exist...and pretending its my choice by not doing anything is so much easier, but i miss his friendship, and i miss the way he could finish my sentances, thoughts...we were so close we could hold a full conversation without either of us getting more than half way through a sentance, we would talk for hours every day, and in the summer right about now we would go quading on nice days or just hang out and play video games, i was a bitch to him ...at the end there...but ive grown up alot since then and i know it was all my fault, i cross my fingers that he would forgive me if i try to talk to him...but im so worried he wont after all that was said...i just dont know what to do...he was there for me through sooooooo much...and i miss that, i miss having someone who knew absolutely freaking everything ...and listened to far more than any teenage guy every would want to or probably should hear, cause he helped me with everything, and i cant help but look back and think what a shitty friend i was to him so many times...but im not sure what is winning out, my need to face up to all of what happened and find out, or to turn my head and take the easy way out and just pretend that its all good that we dont talk anymore...part of me misses him more than i can say, and that same part hopes to hell he misses me at least a little bit...i dont know what to do and i really wish my more recent wisdom would spring up to help me with what i should do
eirini
~Dia

please add your two cents and maybe help me muddle through <3